Deadly Addictions
In a darkened room in deepest Hendon a group of young men and women sit in a circle and discuss their addiction. As at all AA meetings, participants have difficulty naming their substance dependency, preferring to discuss symptoms. “I’d been going to a shiur here...a friday night meal there...and before I knew it I’d been...Aished”.
All the participants nod sympathetically at this point-they too have experienced the dark Judaeo cult known as Aish ha-Torah. “I just had to get my next fix” continued ‘Shlomo’ , 23, “I couldn’t function until I hear more of Rabbi Tatz’s ‘Isn’t it great being a Jew’ cassette. From there I kept upping the dose-from shuirim on ‘how intermarriage leads to terrorism’ and ‘oral sex techniques (within a shomer negiah context)’, all the way to massive hits like going on safari to South Africa and learning about how elephants exist for the sake of the Jewish people. It was only then that I realised I’d become hooked on religion”.
Other participants discussed why Aish was so successful. ‘Sarah’, 21, put it down to financial reasons. “Aish has a very large budget-while more progressive Jewish organisations believe that it is what you do with your budget that counts, Aish is fully aware that size matters”. ‘Rivka’ suggested that Aish capitalised on the tough lot of young Jews in NW London. “When starting salaries are as low as 50k, anti semites have declared war on double parking, and there’s a dire shortage of cleaning ladies in the Finchley area it is no wonder people turn to Aish’s brand of coffee and ‘countercultural’ Judaism”.
In more testimonials, ‘David’ described how Aish had managed to alter his mind. “ I just couldn’t get my head round why Aish’s sister organisation, dedicated to propagating pro-Israel bias was called ‘honest reporting.com’. The Aish rabbis assured me that this was a kabbalistic paradox which I wouldn’t understand until I was 40 and married”. All the participants agreed that the rabbis’ approach of ‘give money to Aish first, think later’ provided clarity and reassurance in an uncertain and difficult world.
In his closing comments, Alan, the moderator offered advice for those hoping to kick the habit. “What you need to find is some kind of religious methadone-an organisation that is still indoctrinatory but much less extreme. I suggest joining the Mormons”.
