Barmitzvah Landmark
The average amount spent on celebrating a bar/batmitzvah in the UK has now broken the £50,000 barrier. Research commisoned by West London Synagogue was greeted by the Chief Rabbi with the reciting of a shechianu and warm words about the "scrumptious" food that he regularly eats at receptions and parties, only some of which he is actually invited to. In a brief statement, he added that "in times where religion is being devalued, this landmark shows just how deep Jewish fatih goes".
It appears that the average has been dramatically increased by a trend set by Rabbis who are refusing to barmitzvah congregants whose parents are unable to fund 'adequate' celebrations. Whilst some, more liberal, rabbis are allowing celebreations to take place in Synagogue halls, others, it seems are sanctioning only 4 or 5 star hotels with a middle ground being taken by those who consider golf clubs to be adequate. Yet most agree that a spend of less that £50 per head would not be halachic. Some shuls have even set up elaborate systems to ensure that noone slips through the net featuring CST agents checking the models of cars driven to synagogues, wardens examining the expense of congregants' coats and Reform synagogues noting how much each member adds to the collection plate.
Some of the money spent is apparantly being given directly to the barmitzvah boy or girl on the basis of the number of verses read from the torah. it is understood that a going rate of £100 per verse is inspiring young jews to give excellent performances in synagogue and encourages them to apply themselves to their barmitzvah studies. One young man was indeed so engrossed, that he refused to read his alloted portion, narrating the laws of the jubilee year, claiming that such nonsense had no place in the synagogue and instead chose to read a portion 'more relevant to our times', regarding the outcasting of lepers. Althogh in another, uglier, scene, one barmitzvah boy whose parents had refused to pay him for his davening failed to turn up to his own ceremony, requiring his uncle to take to the bimah in his place. Just as many violent acts have been ascribed to young people ecountering innapropriate films and video games, the boy revealed that the idea had come to him 'whilst watching a film by Jack Rosenthal'.
The conclusions to the report noted the relatively slow rate of 'barmitzvah inflation', and expressed hope that the average cost would reach £70,000 by 2012. Suggested techniques included; charging for the rabbi's suit, running a bar during the ('frankly dull') recitation of the haftarah and including a compulsory charge to the UJIA as part of the simcha package. A UJIA spokesperson declined to comment, but simply added 'more Jews should move to Israel'.
Defending himself from critics, who argue that the amounts spent are gratuitous, one unnamed, but proud parent said "You have to remember, a barmitzvah is one of the most important parts of the Jewish lifecycle and is a great simcha. Remember, this is when a child becomes an adult and enters into Jewish life. If we dont show them the importance of materiual wealth at this stage, they might go and take up some inappropriate career, like being a cleaner, or a musician. And besides, when the Israelites were in the desert waiting to receive the law, its not as though they didn't know how to celebrate. We're just carrying on the tradition".
