Sharon to retain role in politics
As Israeli officials prepare for the death of Ariel Sharon, details of his will have inevitably come to light. Eyebrows have been raised at the large PM’s wishes regarding his own corpse.
In an unconventional move, likely to anger Palestinians, Sharon does not wish to be buried, but will in fact nobly continue tackling the Arab-Israeli conflict after death. He plans to fully embrace the role of his nickname by becoming an IDF bulldozer.
It is revealed that Sharon has been in contact with freakish Dr. Gunther von Hagens of Bodyworlds fame, who will use an extra strong version of his groundbreaking plasticisation of the human body. He intends to render the ex-PM, who has been honing his massive bulk over decades, into the shovel of a bulldozer.
Also involved in the venture is the American company Caterpillar, arch enemy of the Archbishop of Canterbury. A spokesman from the firm confirmed that the Sharon bulldozer was “nearing its final stages”, adding “it is of huge importance for both us and Ariel to remain at the cutting edge of home-destroying technology.”
As excerpt from Sharon’s will reads “few politicians are able to continue their enterprises after death. I however intend to continue bulldozing Palestinian homes well into the next century.”
Aides added that this revelation has revealed a new dimension to the PM’s prodigious eating. “He wasn’t just a greedy pig. Each pie consumed was a patriotic act.” Meanwhile, maverick thinker Chris McGreal of The Guardian newspaper commented “It’s a bit like that Apartheid, innit?” before returning to his copy of ‘Revise GCSE Politics with Barney the Dinosaur’. No Palestinian leader was available for comment, or indeed anything of use.
