Sacks to be king?
The Chief Rabbi has long supported the creation of a truly multicultural society; one where we can all live, work and play together (although schooling must operate in segregation for obvious reasons). As an important step towards this ideal, Sir Dr Sacks calls on the government to reform the anachronistic laws preventing non-Christians from becoming king (or queen). An opening up of the monarchy would allow all loyal citizens a chance at ruling, at parading in golden carriages, at hosting banquets for dignitaries, at being adored by millions.
The office of the Chief Rabbi would like to issue an artist’s impression of what a non-Christian might look like in the role of king. As it happens, Dr Sir Rabbi Sacks has a crown which he wears when entertaining guests, or occasionally just around the house. He likes to be referred to as ‘the king of British Jewry’ by friends and family, and keeps corgis in his ‘castle’ in Golders Green.
The Chief Rabbi would therefore like to seize this opportunity to point out a number of other reasons why the he would make an excellent succession to Queen Elizabeth. These points, which he jotted on the back of a ‘thought for the day’ script will form the basis of his forthcoming book ‘To heal a fractured monarchy’:
- Charles, with his odd looks and weird ‘eco’ ideas is clearly unsuitable. I, however am famous for my smoothness. Just think how I could charm all those nasty Chinese dignitaries, by simply mumbling into my beard whenever the subject of human rights was mentioned.
- Think of how unpopular Camilla will be as queen. I keep my wife well hidden away. She’ll be too busy cooking to trouble anyone.
- And think of how flexible I am. If I ever wrote anything controversial, I would immediately withdraw it. I am quite prepared to go so far as to re-write whole sections of any offending book rather than stick to what I really believe.
- But my strongest asset is my mastery of the anecdote. I am fully prepared for any occasion. Whether it’s the one about nearly drowning, the time I was knighted, the occasion I said birchat at Buckingham Palace, the occasion I shone the Prime minister’s shoes or the time I got into bed with Ariel Sharon, I guarantee to have the perfect story for all occasions.
As preparation for my immediate accession, I have taken the liberty to write a few Chaunkah addresses and have installed a red carpet down the middle of my synagogue.
Sir Dr Rabbi Sacks, HRH.
please support our kind sponsors
