The White-English Council speaks
The horrific images of torture from Basra are in danger of giving the White-English community a bad image in the eyes of all minority groups in this country. in this exclusive article, the white council of britain speaks out.
The Jewish News
jewdas' tireless reporters bring you All the latest news from the world of Anglo-Jewry including the reform synagogue's new 'davencard', a radical shema translation, a newly-uncovered jewish gang and the latest census news.
Chief at Limmud
In a blow to united synagogue modernisers, the London Beth Din has confirmed that the Chief Rabbi will once again be forbidden from attending Limmud, British Jewry's flagship festival of heresy, licentiousness and pork eating.
Hooray for the hasidic retards
There’s a whole lot of hardcore frummers near me, and I love the various types. There’s the old men in the hip cycling shorts, paired with high white socks, open zips and a can of contraband Coke.
Chief Rabbi's Yom Ha'Atzmaut message
The following is my official Yom Ha-Atzmaut message to the Jewish people of Great Britain and the Commonwealth. Today must be a day of great rejoicing, as it commerorates the founding of the state of Israel, the beginnings of our redemption. But many British Jews have difficulty relating to Israel. They have made comfortable and pleasant lives for themselves in this country. I myself am very comfortable in St John’s wood.
Mechitza shake-up in United Synagogue
Modernises in the United Synagogue have won a significant victory after an emergency meeting. The United Synagogue has decided to create a second mechitza in its synagogues. This is designed to make three sections from where congregants will participate in services. As Jonathan Sex, Chief Rabbi, explained, 'we need to embrace the realities of living in the 21st century'.
Radlett's Radical Seder
Radlett United Synagogue broke with tradition this year by having a radical second night seder. Keen to attract younger congregants, the community did away with a number of traditions in order to update the service. By re-writing the haggadah, they hoped to make it more accessible to today's jewish youth. The synagogue secretary said 'we need to show younger jews that we're ready to change and adapt', adding 'I think we even surprised ourselves with just how radical we were'.
Bacon/Tomato vs. Bagel/Falafel
I know you are already wondering what is behind that fairly obscure battle. Is that about the eternal battle between Pandas and Chinese monks? Or could it be a more recent and intellectual one opposing Jean Paul Sartre to Raymond Aron during May 68? To be honest with you I could not figure it out myself, and because I am really confused about the whole story, you must judge it for yourself.
Deadly Addictions
In a darkened room in deepest Hendon a group of young men and women sit in a circle and discuss their addiction. As at all AA meetings, participants have difficulty naming their substance dependency, preferring to discuss symptoms. “I’d been going to a shiur here...a friday night meal there...and before I knew it I’d been...Aished”.
Jewdas speaks out on Jewish Continuity
Some have suggested that jewdas has nothing to say about Jewish continuity. These opponents charge that we are simply jewish nihilists, having a joke at the expense of the Jewish community and failing to do our bit in securing the next generation of Jews. In order to rebut these scandalous allegations, we hereby deal head-on with the fraught problems of intermarriage and assimilation.
Howard slams Jews
Michael Howard has slanmmed the Jewish community as he prepares the leave mainstream politics. He has blamed the Jewish community for failing to show him sufficiernt support as leader of the Conservative party. ‘What kind of International Conspiracy do you call this?’ he spluttered at the annual Conservative friends of Israel cream tea.
“No living Jews” in the East End
Senior Jewish figures today united in condemning recent claims that some Jews were still happily living in the East End of London, and pledged to slap gagging orders on those East Enders claiming Jewish heritage.
Jews call for 'Day of Anger'
In a rare combined statement, the Board of Deputies and UJIA have called for a countrywide ‘Day of Anger’ for Anglo-Jewry. Declaring that it is time that the timid community stood up for itself, the statement yells ‘fury should be our new watchword’.
Segregation, segregation, segregation
The United Synagogue has unveiled a hugely ambitious plan to educate all of its youth in Jewish faith schools by 2012. In response to research suggesting that despite recent efforts, 25% of young Jews are still friends with ‘1 or 2 gentiles’, they propose a massive network of primary and secondary schools where overall headship would be held by the Chief Rabbi and the curriculum would be transmitted to him by God.
JNF-KKL find common ground
The warring Jewish charities, KKL (people’s front of Judea) and JNF-UK (Judean People’s Front) have finally found common ground. Despite their differences they have signed an understanding, pledging to ‘unite to continue to discriminate against Arabs’.
Without a floor to stand on
If one was to ask a non Jewish lay-man to name things Jews were particularly good at, talking would be high on the list. We are a people of words, we are novelists, poets, intellectuals, comics. We cut our teeth writing and studying Talmud, where words took the place of land, where divine commands are overruled by the arguments of the majority, where the meaning(s) of words is deabted to a hairsplitting degree.
Sacks to be king?
The Chief Rabbi has long supported the creation of a truly multicultural society; one where we can all live, work and play together (although schooling must operate in segregation for obvious reasons). As an important step towards this ideal, Sir Dr Sacks calls on the government to reform the anachronistic laws preventing non-Christians from becoming king (or queen).
Rise in Antisemitism
In a statement this morning, the Union of Jewish students called for a rise in anti-semitism on campus. “Its deeply shocking”, said Mitchel Simmonstone, the pie laden chair of UJS, “Some universities are seeing almost no Jew hatred at all, which makes it very difficult for us to pursue our work. In the good old days of Al-hamajaroun, Friday night meals were full of propaganda suceptible young yidden, whereas now they seem to building their own identities outside our watchful eye.
Rogue Jews
The Government has called for the Jewish community to weed out rogue elements from within its midst. Tony Blair acknowledged that the vast majority of Jews were under no suspicion, as they dedicated their lives purely to the pursuit of material wealth, but talked of a rogue ‘fanatical’ element that had to be brought under control. Several ‘ringleaders’ were mentioned.
Self-Hating Jews on the Rampage
A mob of Jews sporting ‘Free-Palestine’ t-shirts are on the loose in North London. The rabble are leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. To date, they have desecrated three jewish cemeteries and have daubed anti-semitic graffiti on a liberal synagogue. Rumours that they have set fire to a kosher deli however turned out to be untrue.
To be a Free People in the Suburbs
Radlett’s bustling highstreet is buzzing with rumours of independence. Young professional jews in smartcasual chic are walking with an extra purpose in their step. Passing SUVs, sporting magen david bumper stickers, drive with even less regard for other road users. There are gatherings of customers in the tesco express kosher isle, passing comments, smiles, nods and winks.
Radlett – the new zion gathers pace
Radlett’s rumoured struggle to become the second Zionist entity has burst out into the open. At the last parish council meeting, Conservative councillor Goldbergstien made the formal announcement to a shocked audience, both of whom went home visibly shaken.
Memo from the Board of Deputies
jewdas can exclusively leak a board of deputies memo, reportedly sent to number ten...
On the social scene
what does jacqui kohen get up to when she's not cruising charitable excuses for drinking and gossip? Jewdas investigates...
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