Always keen to offer constructive proposals and activities, Jewdas presents a new series of games to be played at youth movement gatherings, synagogue AGMs and at UJIA fundraising dinners. When your rabbi has the gall to suggest some prayer or study, you need to have some pre-prepared alternatives to stop him in his tracks. Relying on the traditional board games is all well and good, but is fraught with danger; Monopoly was created by quakers, and is allegedly ‘satirical’, Cluedo contains the figure of the ‘Reverend Green’, rendering it obviously unsuitable, and Scrabble runs the risk of participants coming up with unsuitable words such as ‘bacon’ or ‘arabs’. Even small scale can be problematic, while noughts and crosses is clearly christological propaganda, ‘Soliatire’ recreates lonely Israel surrounded by a sea of hostile neighbours. Our games are much safer. Each is fully certified by the Jewdas Beth Din, whose dayanim never watch television, talk to women, or leave the eruv.
The number game: 2 players. Each pick a number. The one with highest number wins. If a player calls infinity, this can be trumped by ‘David Ben-Gurion’
Sermon drinking game
If the rabbi proposes a scenario that ‘you would have thought’ that you clearly wouldn’t have thought, down the 1st shot
For every attribution of a saying as ‘chassidic’ without mentioning which hassid was responsible, 3 fingers of beer
If any story revolves around a shtetl, mix yourself a White Ruissian
If the rabbi stops and waits for silence, you must drink the entire quiet time.
Drink a further shot for every gratuitious leap of logic and/or absurd analogy
If any variant/version/allusion/hint of ‘Is it good for the Jews? is heard drink an entire bottle of vodka. If the actual phrase occurs hit yourself over the head with the empty bottle
In a variant on the traditional paper, scissors, stone we present the infinitely more complex and therefore Jew-friendly Rock, Water, Paper, Scissors, Fire in which the elements have symbolic power:
Fire-Aish ha Torah
Paper-the Torah (obviously)
Water-, Mayim, the new anti-aish initiative from Masorti
The rules are as follows;
Water puts out fire,
Rock stops fire (although this was contested by Rabbi Shaul Rosensplatt who described Aish as ‘more important than god’(in which case fire may also be argues to put beat water))
Paper covers Rock
Some argue that Scissors cut Paper although we could not obvioulsy condone this.
Fire Burns paper – representing Aish’s free holday first, study later policy.
Fire heats scissors – allowing the Mohel to work double quick on all those new jews.
This is a very complex game, too intricate to explain here, based on ‘Mornington Crescent’ in which the aim is to pronounce the name of our much loved former chief rebbetzin.
An example game might go:
Jacqui Kohen (a risky move but not an illegitimate one)
Anthony Lerman (shock horror!)
Rabbi Alan Plancey (much safer ground)
Judie Rose (didn’t see that coming)
Lady Jakobowitz! (foiled again!)
The Jewish version of the popular newspaper puzzle uses hebrew letters instead of numbers, alef for 1, bet for 2 etc. Naturally the yud hey combo for 15 is not used as this would spell out the name of god, which is bad, instead tet vav, representing 9 + 6 is utilised. A background in gematria is also helpful in playing the game.
Self explanatory. Only to be played at Channukah
Spin the Palwins
The level of intimacy can be adapted fro different groups, the higher the Palwin number the further you have to go…..
Can be played all year round, though when played during Passover ensure only kosher le Pesach matzahs are used
Just a minute – a game where each participant must talk for a minute on any subject (related to Israel) without mentioning the Palestinians. This game is likely to be an easy one for many of our readers.
Happy Jewish Families!
This inclusion is satirical. Do not play this game. Never never never neverneverneverneverneverneverneverneve
Kosher by the Jewdas Beth Din
Dayan Princess of Wales