The Jewdas guide to antisemitism

There are many who complain about the recent ‘tsunami’ of antisemitism surging across Europe. Others have stopped leaving their houses for fear of comming across the racists who daily roam the streets whilst they pack their cases for the promised land (Radlett). Most stick to their guns, addressing antisemitism by giving generously to Israel and avoiding the synagogue.

Jewdas can now offer a fresh approach. We urge our readers to embrace the stereotypes and enhance your life:

  • Stinginess is a very handy tool.  When a passing beggar asks for money, merely indicate the kippah on your head with a simple point and all will be understood. No need for embarrasing excuses about change. And this principle can be applied in other situations. When it’s your turn to get the drinks in, just draw attention to your large nose, and no-one will expect you to get more than a half for yourself
  • Too cowardly to fight? Of course you are! If invited to ‘step outside’, simply explain that Jews use words, not violence to solve issues and that Jewish men are so weak thet you wouldn’t make a decent opponent in any case. Saving you inconvenience, effort and a broken nose.
  • Increasingly, these enviromental fascists are demanding we all give up flying. But what to do about your annual winter trip to Eilat? You’re hardly going to pass it up are you? Instead, simply remind your critics of the notion of the Wandering Jew-it is simply in our rootless genes to keep on moving. Who’s for 3 weeks in Thailand?
  • When faced with yet another astromically large council tax bill (don’t they want to encourage us wealth creators?) pop down to the local authority and wave a copy of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion at them (We hear they’re going cheap in Tehran). Point out that the International Jewish Conspiracy needs large spaces in which to hold its meetings, and were none available there would soon be a media blackout, stock market crash and economic meltdown. This is sure to get you a 40% discount.
  • Can’t get into a busy West End Bar on a Saturday Night? Simply pass round a rumour that you have poisoned all the drinks with the blood of christian children and there will soon be pleny of seats available.
  • Want to get rid of Jehovah’s witnesses or happy clappy missionaries? why not remind the person that your ancesters killled Jesus and that the knowledge of how to use a crucifix is passed on to every Jewish child. They are likely to make their excuses and leave.
  • Imagine the situation – your over zealous neigbour is buliding a house extension guaranteed to block our your sunlight. Point out to them what happens to the houses of Palestinians that get in the way of our people. You might want to push over his fence for good measure.
  • As we all know, the Jews made up 9/11, as part of their usual Zionist world- governing shenaigans. If therefore, you find your plane delayed because of a suspected terrorist alert, have a quick word with the captain, saying that your contacts have assured you that no trouble is due today, and you will soon be airborne.
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