For centuries, elders have been warning of the impending decay of Jewish culture. Some claimed that this would occur as religion and halakha were gradually eschewed. Others prophesied that the demise would befall us as capitalism entrenched its tentacular stranglehold over society.
But little did these wise men know that the real decline would come from an unlikely source: Jewish YouTube parody videos. This insidious phenomenon is slowly developing into an infectious plague, capable of corrupting the entirety of Jewish civilization if left unchecked.
To inform you of this grave danger and impel you into unbridled activism, we present a list of the five most disturbing examples of the trend:
#5. Who Let the Jews Out? – parody of Baha Men’s “Who Let the Dogs Out”:
A pipe-smoking sheep brings a message for the Pharaoh: “The Jews have escaped”. Anubis, Horus and Thoth kick off the beat with “Jews, Jews, Jews”. Moses is then seen cruising in a hydraulic Cadillac through a parted Red Sea. Blasphemous fantasies of this calibre are only possible in the world of Sam Apple, the composer of this piece, who is also renowned as the author of Schlepping through the Alps. Mark my words: it may only be a few years before this surpasses “Dayenu” as the Seder anthem of choice.
#4. “A Good Shul” – parody of Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines
With its misogynistic overtones, Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” was marred in controversy. Unfortunately, the same level of polemic has not reached “A Good Shul”, the Jewish spoof of Thicke’s hit single. With lines like “Make Shabbos beautiful”, and a veiled critique of JDate, “A Good Shul” might deceivingly appear to be a work of subtle sophistication, but this is all but destroyed by the depravity that follows. At one point, lead singer Jay O’Brien asks “what rhymes with community?” He obviously knows the answer. Musical impunity.
#3. “Crank That Kosha Boy” – parody of Soulja Boy’s “Crank That (Soulja Boy)”
Eric Schwartz’s magnum opus carries all the hallmarks of the degenerative Jewish Youtube parody: the fake payot, the impeccable lack of rap timing, constant Yiddish mis-pronounciation, low-budget CGI graphics, and a mohel performing a circumcision with a saw. Now repeat after me, “when I say vey, you say oy.”
#2. “Jews Can’t Stop” – parody of Miley Cyrus’ “We Can’t Stop”
In what is already a major classic of the well-trodden sub-genre of Zionist Miley Cyrus covers, Orit Arfa twerks on bulldozers, licks Israeli topography, and movingly urges us to “Don’t take nothing from John Kerry”. Partially filmed in Shiloh, Bet El, Eli, and Ariel, this piece is also the cornerstone of a burgeoning cinematographic movement named settlement sensualism. For all its oddities, Arfa’s song does reach Hatikvah-esque levels of tear-jerking patriotism, embodied by the lines “We building things, things don’t build we” and “Cause we gonna fight all night/Till we get our birthright, alright.”
#1. “I Fink U Jewish” – parody of Die Antwoord’s “I Fink U Freeky”
Not even rabbis smooching a Torah and pop-locking in a shul can save this from the top of our chart. Neither can its pluralistic message of “Ashkenazi and Sephardi, come on everybody”. The song opens with the lead singer whispering to camera like a satanic resurrection of Barry White: “Hello Israel…The Lord is our God…The Lord is One…We Are One”. It then embarks on an abrasively outlandish post-dubstep celebration of Judaism. Where are we heading?