What the Prophets would say if they were Modern-Day Jews

What if the prophets had been modern Jews? What would they say?

 

 

Joel

Joel

 “Have you seen the price of parking in Hackney lately?”

Daniellion

Daniel

“Maureen, you’re right – it’s just not safe in Hampstead anymore. I’ve gone and got us some lions to scare off the terrorists.”

Noah

Noah

“WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE STAND FOR THE POSITION OF TREASURER?”

hannah

Hannah

“Baruch ata adonai… Alright, stop staring at me, I know the words. Well, I know the tune anyway. I’d remember it if I had the tune. OK, I’ll just mumble it and look really pious. Am I meant to be kneeling, though? Maybe I should be standing up and shaking about a bit. Fuck sake, I just wanna send my kid to a good school, why’s that so hard?”

Esther

Esther

“Shit, they’re about to have a fight about Israel. I knew this party was going to get awkward. What can I do? I’ll try fainting I guess.”

Job

Job

“Oy vey, my allergies. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that cheesecake. I blame Hamas.”

The Queen of Sheba

The Queen of Sheba

“Oh, hey, um, you’re Solly? You looked younger on your JDate profile… Yeah, I guess everyone does. Didn’t you say you were twenty-four, though?”

David

David

“Wine drunk is meant to be classy. How is kiddush wine hangover even a thing? But it is a thing. I’m the king of kiddush wine hangovers right now. I’m just going to stay in bed all day with my harp. Of course I’m keeping the tiara on. Turn out the lights.”

(Idea lovingly stolen from http://the-toast.net/)

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2 thoughts on “What the Prophets would say if they were Modern-Day Jews”

  1. Really witty to publish this on a day when a Jewish security man was murdered by an Islamist terrorist

  2. @“Maureen, you’re right – it’s just not safe in Hampstead anymore. I’ve gone and got us some lions to scare off the terrorists.”@
    Really witty to publish this on a day when a Jewish security man was murdered by an Islamist terrorist

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